Inside Out

new start...new blog

2010-01-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

Most of you already have heard of my exciting news, but for those who don't, I am going to be going back to Africa for 6 months. I am excited for this new journey and can't wait to start getting my hands dirty for Jesus at BG.

Because of this, I am retiring this blog and have started a new one. I am not sure how often I will be able to update in Africa, since Internet connection is "touch and go" most days. But I can't wait to use this tool, to keep everyone informed of prayer requests and stories of my trip.

The new blog is called Leap of Faith, because that is exactly what this trip is. I am not sure all the details, but I am trusting God does. In order to to I am quitting my job at Starbucks and trusting God will have something for me when I come back.

Please join me in prayer as I take this leap of faith. I pray that through this whole situation, God will be exalted on high.

www.lesotholeapoffaith.blogspot.com

life

2009-12-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

where to begin...

Africa has taught me a lot. In fact EVERYTHING in my life has been affected by my 8 days in Lesotho. The way I look at things is different. I am not saying that I have it all figured out, because to be honest, after Africa I am more messed up. I saw the most extreme poverty. Kids raising kids. Not because there parents were gone, but because their parents were dead. I saw life still living without the things we see as necessities in America.

My heart is convicted everyday with my new way of thinking. One would think that after seeing and experiencing the things I did, I would stop the greed cycle. But the fact is I haven't. I still like things. The only thing is now that I have seen life without stuff, I feel so sinful when I go and buy a new shirt or jeans, that most of the time I return them the next day. A few weeks ago, my grandma passed away and I thought I needed some retail therapy, but after shopping for some things to wear to the visitation and funeral I felt so dirty, because the money I spent could have feed 4 kids for a month and that was only $50.

I am trying so hard to enjoy the Christmas season, but the fact is I am surrounded by the commercial Christmas that it makes me sad. At work I am surrounded by the business of the season. I don't mean to sound negative, but people don't really care about others. I have gone home from work MANY times in tears because of something a customer has said. I am not saying people in Lesotho are saints, but they care about relationships with others. Something that would take 30 minutes in America to do, would take a few hours in Lesotho, because the people want to get to know you and a "quick" question is never quick. I crave to surround myself with the birthday of Jesus and celebrate the life He has given us.

Now on to the great part of Africa...the children. I find myself starring at the pictures a lot. Their smiles and eyes are so beautiful. I wish I could post them for you to see. Their little lives have gone through so much more than I have, but the JOY they have is so contagious. There was a boy at the orphanage I stayed at, that adopted me. His eyes looked deep into my heart and I melted. I loved the feeling of his hand in mine. It was fun to see him interact with the other children. He didn't like it when I would have other children on my lap. He didn't fight them or push them off, but you could tell, that I was his and honestly he is mine. When I think of Africa I think of him. I hear him singing as he would sit on my shoulder and we would walk.

I love to share Africa, but I have a hard time. I am finally able to put some words to my experiences, but my words don't even compare to what I saw, smelled and lived in. I have a hard time living after Africa. There are moments I want to run up to everyone and tell them all about it. There are other times when I just want to hide because I am confused about the way we live compared to the way they live.

With all of that said, I am letting everyone know that I have applied to go back next year for 6 months. There are moments when I want to drop everything and leave now. Then there are moments when I am so scared about going. I covet your prayers through this process. Once I find out that I am accepted, I will be busy raising support, making travel arrangements, working on a visa, saying goodbye to those I will miss dearly and so much more. It is all very overwhelming.

I find myself just craving to know what is next. Am I going? Am I not? I also find myself avoiding large groups of people, in fear that the conversation will go to Africa. You see I LOVE to talk about Africa on the surface. I love to share stories about the trip and share the joy the people of Lesotho have. But I am scared of what God is calling me to be a part of. I am scared of the next step. If I am honest, there is a part of me that would love to stay in "safe" and "comfortable" Michigan. But the fact is my heart is forever changed and I can't be quiet about what God is doing and what He is directing me to do by the strength and grace he gives.

Again, I covet your prayers through this whole process. It is a VERY emotional one.

happy birthday Jacob!!!

2009-12-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my "little man" is 5 today. I was so excited when he was born and fell in love right away. He is a walking, talking miracle. The day after he was born, he had many seizures and was rushed to DeVos Children's Hospital. His little body went through so much at first. It was determined that he had a stroke which caused the seizures. That Christmas was filled with tubes and wires coming out of his body and alarms going off all the time. This year we are blessed with a completely healed 5 year old who loves guitars, drums, singing, hunting and watching movies in his auntie's bed.

Love you Jake! You are my favorite jam partner!!!!

ps.
I know it has been 2 months since I have updated this blog. I apologize to all of you who love to read about my boring life. :) Check back in a few days about how life after Africa has been and a new adventure in my life.

life after Africa...

2009-10-15T15:47:00.001-07:00

I am back. It is hard to be back. I feel like I left a big part of me in Africa.

It is hard to explain my thoughts and feelings about the trip. There were a lot of great moments when I knew God was right there. There were also moments when it was painful to see what I saw, but I am glad I experienced it.

I apologize to all those that see me in the next few days, weeks, months. I am not ready to or able to put into words what happened. I have a hard time describing my time in Lesotho. Plus I have MAJOR jet lag. My body doesn't know when to sleep or eat. I am still on Africa time, so right now at 6:50pm, my body thinks it is 11:50pm and I should be in bed!!! Or like this morning at 1 am I was wide awake, since my body thought it was 7am.

I can't post the pictures of the kids online. Their faces are a direct reflection of God's masterpiece.

sala hantle
(Stay well)

1 year to 48 hours...

2009-09-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

A year seemed so long, when I first began to think of going to Africa. Now it is 48 hours away.

In 48 hours, I will be at the airport getting ready to board the plane.
In 48 hours...

I just can't fathom that. The past 2 days have been great. I was overwhelmed at the commissioning service Sunday. (I learned that next time I speak about Beautiful Gate again, the video is going to be after we talk, not before.) Walking into church that morning I felt so humbled that God was choosing me to go. I kept looking at the 8 luggage bags full of supplies that are going to help the people of Lesotho so much and I was overwhelmed. Haven, like I said in the morning, you are coming with us. With your donations of clothes, toys, medical supplies, school supplies and financial support, you are coming with us. As I stood before you on Sunday, I just had to look at your faces. After seeing the video of the children smiling and looking at you smiling back at us, I felt God's smile. I felt His peace. I felt His joy. I felt His grace and mercy. I felt His love.

Father may I love you by loving the children of Beautiful Gate. May I bring you a smile that never leaves your face, because you are so good. Thank you God for allowing me to experience what you are going to show me. Thank you for giving me a team of people to go with that will walk through every joy and frustration with me. Thank you for loving me with such a crazy love that makes me want to do nothing else, but love you back. love you Abba!!!

I am not sure how often I will be able to update this blog, but check our team blog for updates. team blog.

thank you everyone.

1 year...

48 hours.

8 days

2009-09-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

Yup... 8 days...

I am not quite sure what to think about that. People keep asking me, "Are you excited?" I am. But I am also nervous. I am not nervous about the trip or fearful of what is going to happen, I am just nervous about what God is going to show us.

To be honest I don't feel ready, but I don't know if I ever will. I don't think anyone can be ready to see the face of God. I truly believe that, that is what is going to happen during my 2 weeks in Lesotho. I just don't know when He will show up. Will it be in the face of the children? Will it be in the servant hands of the care takers? Will it be in our team? Will it be in those we meet in the villages?

I think the answer is YES!

I sat down today with our new Pastor and worship leader to plan our commissioning for Sunday's worship service. He asked a lot of great questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. Part of my role in the team is leading devotions and group prayer time. I have been trying to focus for months know and dream about what God wants to share...I have nothing! Every time I sit down and focus, I am blank. I have this feeling that when we get there, God is going to speak and any plan I had will get in the way. Some might think of that as procrastination, but trust me it is not. I would love to have a plan to go by. I am not to comfortable with the unknown. But one thing I have already learned is, in Africa, there is a lot of unknowns.

Please be in prayer for the team. My best friend looked at me today and said, "God is going to do something huge, because Satan is fighting hard." Because of safety reasons, our living conditions have changed and are not really nailed down yet. Also personally I have be VERY overwhelmed in getting ready. My computer has been having major issues (which I was suppose to bring with me) and I woke up yesterday with a bad head cold. I am tired and weak and I think that is where God wants me to be.

There has been one song that has been in my heart and mind the past few weeks. It is Hosanna by Brooke Fraiser. I believe the lyrics in the bridge of the song are exactly what God is going to do to me in Africa.

"Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause.
As I walk from Earth into eternity."

8 days...

21 days...

2009-09-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I am leavin gin 21 days...

This week we packed up extra suitcases of clothes, medical supplies and school supplies to take to Beautiful Gate. Our plan was for each team member to take 2 suit cases, one for their personal things and the second would be supplies and gifts. WELL, God should up through Haven (once again), instead of having 8 suitcases, we have 10 or 11. We are not sure exactly how we are going to get these to the children, but we will find away.

Things are starting to set in as far as travel. It is going to be a long flight!!! At least the biggest portion is in the night so sleeping might be easier. I never have had an issue with flying, but 18 hours is a long time!!!! I might take the advice of my friend Kim, Xanax and a good drink, then repeat half way through.

We did find that blogspot works in Lesotho. So for updates while we are gone, go to http://haven-beautifulgate.blogspot.com. It isn't much know, but in the next few days we will introduce the team to you.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It is my hope that God is very clear while we are there. The need is huge and seems impossible at times, but the Christian faith is simple...LOVE.

photos

2009-09-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been very busy with photography. It has been a lot of fun to capture moments for people. Whether a family session, senior pictures or birth annoucements, God's beauty is shown through these people. Here are some of my favorites over the past 3 weeks.

28 days...

2009-09-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

28 days until I leave.

My heart is full of excitement, and my mind is full of questions.

What are we going to do? How is God going to show up? What is God going to say through the precious children and staff at Beautiful Gate?

28 days...

39 days...

2009-08-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

The count down has begun, 39 days until I board a plane and head to Africa. 39 days, until my eyes will see things that words can not describe. 39 days until (what I have been told) my heart will be broken into pieces. 39 days until I see the face of Christ.

Beautiful Gate recently took on 14 new babies into their facility. This means the house we were going to stay at is now filled with kids that simply need to be loved. God provided a place for us to stay not too far from the orphanage. He has provided the funds for us to and is continuing to provide donations of crayons, clothes, medical supplies and dental supplies, for us to give to the kids. God is our provider.

While at Beautiful Gate we have a few projects to do, such as minor landscaping. Since it will be spring time we are going to be planting flowers around the facilities to bring in God's joy. Our main "project" is to simply love on the kids. To spend time with these precious gifts of God by holding them, playing with them, feeding them and simpling "being" with them. We are also praying for opportunities to visit other orphanages in the area. One in particular is not a safe place. There is no real supervision, which means the older kids have been known to rape the younger ones. As sad as that fact is, it ties closely to Beautiful Gate. You see, Beautiful Gate can only care for 60 kids. The closer they get to that number, the more decisions need to be made. Beautiful Gate was designed for kids 5 and under, but since adoptions are put on hold (again) the kids are getting older and are not leaving Beautiful Gate. The next step for them, is unknown.

I am not really sure what to expect. I believe God is already stripping away things in my heart to prepare me for the trip. Lately I question every thing I do. For example, do I really need to go out to eat tonight when that money could be used to buy more hats and mittens for the kids. I pray He is stripping away things, so when I get there I can see Hiim clearly.

Ways you can pray...
~team unity
~safe travel
~the God would be the leader of our team and show us exactly where He needs us to be
~Beautiful Gate, it's staff, the children and the surrounding communities
~adoptions to be opened again and stay open

Here is a video of the precious faces I will meet... click here
39 days...

Just an FYI...

2009-08-12T14:02:00.001-07:00

This picture is just an FYI to all those who ever want to place a bet with me. First I am competitive, hence why I caught my 9th wedding reception bouquet this weekend. I don't care who is around, I am in it to win it. My nephews and nieces know this too. I will play any game to win, Candyland, basketball, Chutes and Ladders, I don't care, I like to win. Second, if you place a bet with me, you will carry out your side of the deal or I will annoy you until you do. If I loose, which happens but not a lot, I will carry out whatever the deal was too.

So...this sign will be in my neighbors yard for the rest of the night. Drive by and honk. I am sure Becky would love to hear it.

And Becky...I am the Super O!!!!

what a day

2009-08-07T12:33:00.001-07:00

Yup. This photo describes my afternoon. 4 hours in a reclining lawn chair. My neighbor and I sat down at 10:30 and for 4 hours had everything brought to us. This is my nephew Ryan holding an umbrella so Becky could see the computer screen as we checked the weather. My mom made us lunch and delivered to our chairs. When we were thirsty, Ryan brought us Moutain Dew. When we were cold, he brought us blankets. There is a bonus to having a 12 year old nephew, he takes direction very well.

I wonder what the neighbors thought...who cares. It was fun and my abs had the best workout from laughing until tears were streaming down my face.

The "ME" Factor

2009-08-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been stuck in the ME factor. I hate it when I get this way. All I can think about lately is why didn't I get the job? Why did I have to have another surgery? Why didn't I get to go on the Chicago trip? Why am I stuck in the basement going through the healing process?

I know that there are times that we all face the ME factor attitude. I just wish I didn't react so poorly to it. I apologize to any of those who have been around me this past week. I pray my attitude and conversations didn't put a wall up around our relationship.

I am a reading a good book by John Ortberg. I LOVE John Ortberg, this is the third book this summer I have read by him. Anyway, today I read about Michelangelo's famous painting "The Creation of Adam". We all have seen pictures of it. God reaching with every muscle he has towards his beloved Adam. His arm is stretched out, his finger reaching to touch His creation. Adam resting back, with his arm just dangling out there. And the SPACE between them.

What is that space? That space I believe is the ME factor. It is our free will to choose to reach out to our creator and touch Him. To feel His love and mercy fill our lives. I admit, lately I have been Adam. Totally relaxing waiting for God to do something. Waiting for Him to give me the job I want or the life I want. But not really reaching out with all I have. I want so much to be reaching for Christ with every muscle in my body. I want to long for His touch every second of the day. I want to feel His arms of love wrap around my body and I want to hear His voice say, "I love you".

The free will that God gave us, is the one thing that I hate. I hate the space that is between us. I want to touch Him with everything I am. I want to be near my Father.

When I'm Alone

2009-08-03T19:01:00.001-07:00

I heard this song tonight and found it quite fitting as to how I have been feeling lately.

When I'm Alone by Brandon Heath

When I’m alone
The faces they come and they go
I wonder if they think I’ve changed
I wish I could stay
But be where you are
The countries and cities so far
This is my dream and my gift
But sometimes I get

Scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

When I’m alone
I sleep late it’s crazy I know
The worlds only passing me by
I guess that is why
I’m telling you now
That I haven’t figured it out
The depth of the things that I’ve missed
They leave me like this

Scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

Is it true that you can find me anytime
Cause I’m feeling like I’m there, it’s about that time

Cause I’m scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

Grace

2009-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

Please join me in praying today for Brian, Kathy, Jackson and their families today. Their honest, raw testimony has changed my outlook on things this past year.

Grace, your life has taught me a lot. I miss your smile at church that greeted everyone. Your mommy, daddy and Jackson miss you deeply and would give ANYTHING to wrap their arms around you right now and hear your giggle. Enjoy your welcome to heaven day and give Jesus a hug from all of us.

Busscher's blog...
http://busscherfamily.blogspot.com/

calling...eyes

2009-07-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been praying for God to open my eyes for me to see exactly what He wants me to do. I had an interview last week, and it went very well. If God wants me at this new church, it will be a big step. I will be in a new community, a new town and a new church. BUT I will not be in a new family. That is the great thing about being a Christian. You may move into a town where you know no one, but when you step foot into a church, you should feel like you are stepping into a family reunion.

God has been showing me a lot of things lately. Tonight I went for a drive and thought about how I have been so blessed. I want to take what God has blessed me with and bless others. I heard this song, and it exactly what I needed to hear. No matter what job I have, where I live or who I am surrounded by I want to see things through the eyes of Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OihvG607W-c

bittersweet

2009-06-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

Well today was a bittersweet day for me. It was my last office day at Haven. Even though I am employed through the end of July, I had to change my summer hours at Starbucks, which meant no more Tuesdays off, plus every Tuesday from now until the end of July either Amy or myself will be on a trip, so today was it.

I got to church early and spent some time in by myself working, praying and remembering all the great things that have happened on Tuesdays for the past 6 months. My time as a staff member at Haven has taught me a lot of things. I have learned proper servant leadership. I have worked along side some great people who have shown me what it takes to make a church run, even if you haven't had a pastor for almost 2 years. It has been great!! I was praying that I wouldn't dwell on the sadness of me leaving, but just have fun and I did. After a productive morning and VERY good lunch (thanks ladies) Amy and I headed out to run errands. That is when the side splitting laughter started. We ended the day in pray and it was great. I am blessed!

Sunday I played guitar during worship. God showed up. Our sound board was damaged in the big storm Friday night, so it was a very intimate, acoustic worship service. During the service God spoke to me. I have been DREADING leaving Haven. They are my family. I have walked through a lot of brokenness with the people there and because of it, my faith has been strengthen. As I sat, played the bass and watched people worshipped, I realized it was going to be okay. Leaving is still going to be hard, as I type this the tears are already flowing, but it is going to be OKAY!!! God is going to open a door for me to do full time youth ministry and I am going to be obedient and walk through it. My plan would be to stay in West Michigan, but we all know how God laughs at our plans. So I am surrendering it all to Him. If He wants me in California, I will go. If He wants me in Grandville, I will go.

Today, was bittersweet. The reality is, I might not be at Haven much longer, but the good news is God has a plan.

update #2

2009-06-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

2 posts in 1 night!!!!!

There are a lot of exciting new adventures happening in my life. (No I am not getting married, but a friend of mine is reading a great book, that I can't wait to get. It is called, "If singleness is a gift what is the return policy?") I don't really feel comfortable going into details yet, but I am taking steps of faith and trusting in God's plan and purpose for my life.

I want to post a picture for you guys. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Lindy is someone who knows the power of God's healing. Her faith is amazing. I can only hope that if I was faced with the things she has been, I would stand as tall as she is and proclaim the power of my God. He healed her daughter 7 months ago and I know she too will feel His power flow through her veins. I was trying to figure out away that I could be in continued prayer for her, her husband Dusty and their 3 beautiful kids. Even though I have been growing my hair out for awhile I knew that cutting was what had to happen and I would do it again in a second. Now every time I touch my short hair, I pray. Every time someone says, "nice hair", I pray. Needless to say Lindy and Dusty you are prayed for a lot, not only by me, but by thousands of people all over the world. God is going to use this, for his plan and his purpose.

Since Lindy hasn't seen the hair, yet this picture is for you. Please give me some grace, it was late, and my product was fading fast.

For prayer updates on the VerBeeks, click on the link to the right.

update #1

2009-06-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

There will be 2 updates tonight, here is #1.

So here is a very special blog, for a very special person. I apologize for not filling you in about my life, but I figured your telescopes were doing a good enough job. Thank you for being such an amazing neighbor, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. You have watched Lacee for us. You have humored the older 2 kids while they took over your pool. You have listened to my ramblings about everything and nothing. You have walked through Daniel with me.

All joking aside. I am blessed to live next to such an amazing woman of God. Your faith challenges me to be a better person. Keep your eyes up Becky. You are almost #1!!!!!

Here is what you requested...

pictures of the munchkins!!

2009-05-21T18:45:00.001-07:00

Brayden was more interested in the water than the flowers at Tulip Time.

Izabela has been sick all week. Wednesday she feel asleep during lunch. Poor thing!

Jake is so excited for the garden again this year. Need I say more...

ponderings

2009-05-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am still alive folks. I am not sure how many people check my blog anymore, due to my lack of posting. I have been walking through a journey of surrender lately. I am still in it and I am still learning what it truly means to be a Christ follower everyday. There are so many things running through my head and heart to write about, but I will focus on one.

Today my friend Amy and I drove to Chicago to see where I will be bringing a group of Middle School students this summer. It was so hard to drive through Albany Park where we will be staying and hear the facts of the area...

~37 teens have been shot in the past 34 weeks in gang related events. One teen was shot, because he DIDN'T want to be in a gang.

~In one elementary school there are 1200 students, that speak 22 different languages and 3 African dialects.

~ Only 10% percent of students graduate from High School.

It was so hard to hear all of this and the list goes on and on. I wondered where is their hope? What do they cling to when hey just want to give up? Just 5 minutes down the road are huge buildings about 15 Starbucks and sculptures that the money spent to build them could have helped the people. Downtown people walk around at a fast paced, rushing from one thing to the next. In Albany Park, people don't have anything to get to so they just stroll along the road.

I was very convicted by everything I saw today. What do I do that I don't need to? What can I give up that would help someone in need? What can I do to slow down my pace and actually look at people in the eye when I see them?

It was a great day. God is so good. He revealed Himself through a beautiful lake, a beautiful preview of the trip for the summer and a great day spent in conversation with my kindred spirit.

I love you Jesus. My hope is in you, no matter what this journey of surrender brings!

prayers

2009-04-21T19:48:00.001-07:00

Friends, we need to get on our knees right now. Mark and Kate Wiersma, friends of mine from Haven, have twin boys that were born at 24 weeks and 6 days (3 weeks ago). Max and Wes are struggling right now. Plus, Hospice has come in to help Kate's mom, who was diagnosed with a rare cancer 5 years ago, in the final stages of her life.

To follow their story, check out their blog.
http://mkwiersma.blogspot.com/

thank you!

what a day!!

2009-04-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day! Full of productiveness and laughter as well as a few new gifts. I am playing mommy this week to Jake, Izzy and Brayden, so I woke up and hit the ground running. I got all the kids ready and dropped them off at Grandpa and Grandma's, so I could go to work. My friend Amy and I took apart our "chapter" from Storyline. It was a lot of work, but we were able to get it all down in one day. To think it only took us over 2 months to dream and build.

I got home tonight excited knowing I would be sleeping on a new mattress. I decided that my old one served it's time (15 years) and need to be put into retirement. My new mattress is so much taller than the old. My dog can no longer jump in bed with me.

I also received a surprise gift...MY PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes friends, that is one more step complete. Africa here I come.

Well that's all. As I said I am playing mom and currently the kids are distroying the house and fighting over toys. Got to go!!!

finally finished

2009-04-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, friends, I finally finished editing all of David and Cara's wedding photos. It took awhile, but there were 1100 pictures to choose from. Here are some of my favorites...

fear

2009-04-05T11:57:00.001-07:00

I enjoyed a great night of laughing, relaxing and conversations last night. My friend Amy and I watched the movie, Akleeah and the Bee. It was fantastic. I recommend it to anyone. The movie is themed around a poem called "Our Deepest Fear" that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

I praise God that He didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power!!!

OUR DEEPEST FEAR
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- by Marianne Williamson

(from "A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles")

dance party

2009-03-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

Here is what happens when I have a morning off from Haven and I don't start work at Starbucks until 2.

Jake was rocking it out on the guitar.
Izzy was rying to dance, but was getting frustrated because she could stand up.
Brayden just wanted his picture taken!!!

ps. the bed is not made, because I was doing laundry.

Happy Monday everyone.

The Vine

2009-03-25T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hey, all who still check my blog. I have decided to update, since I was pretty much at the bottom of my friend Becky's blog list.

The past few weeks have been full. Right now I am really trying to find balance in my life. Working 2 jobs, continuing to edit Dave and Cara's photos (the are almost done) and trying to stay healthy is a very hard thing to do. I don't know how to say no to things, BUT I am learning that everyday I need to stop being Martha and start being Mary. I have been craving to be as close to the true Vine (John 15) more and more. Each day we are given on this earth is another day to serve God. All to often I find myself complaining about all the things that I have to do, rather than enjoy the time I have here. I find myself so busy that I forget to tell people about the greatest story ever told.

I want to invite you all to experience the journey Christ walked, so that we could walk each day on earth knowing our future is taken care of. Stop by "Storyline", downtown Zeeland, in the old Five Star building (across from the post office, corner of Church and Main.) It takes about around an hour and is worth every step you make. 7 youth pastors from Zeeland got together and laid it all out. I was honored to help in the process of putting together one of the scenes. It IS the greatest story ever told. After going through it, one of my high school students said, "God is so alive."

Well that is all for now. I am trying each day to cling more to the true Vine and worship His greatness, in the midst of a very busy schedule.

Africa Update...I purchased my plane ticket this week. 7 more months

the process has begun

2009-03-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

Africa is really happening folks.

Today I...

~sent out my passport stuff.

~got 3 shots.

~learned more of the language. So far I know "hi", "how are you", "I am good.", "thank you" and the name for a single man (long story)

8 months to go!!!!

completely drained...completely blessed

2009-03-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

My body is completely drained, but completely blessed. It is hard for me to write any adequate words that express how I am feeling. The past few weeks have been hard. Do to some changes at Starbucks, I have had to put in a lot of hours without any time off. It was really hard on me physically and emotionally. There was a point where I felt like all I did was get up, go to work, take a nap and go to work again. This past Saturday I did have off. I was the photographer at my friends' wedding. (I am not going to post any photos until they see them.) It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and God was shinning brighter. The day went great and it was such a joy to see to people join together in the presence of God. Sunday I woke up, and couldn't move. Literally I just laid in bed and hurt. I guess I used muscles I didn't even know I had. I ended up spending the whole day in my pajamas going through the 1100 pictures of the wedding. It was very relaxing.

Lately my mind and heart have been fixed on Africa. I want to be prepared for what I am going to see. I have been learning some of the language and talking to anyone I know who has been there recently. When I was first thinking about going on the trip, I had a lot of reservations about the cost. It is not a cheap trip, the plane ticket alone is over $1800. I called up an old friend and he said, "Terp, do not let money be the one thing that holds you back. Jesus is your one thing and he will provide." Tim you sure were right. I have been blessed by people giving me gifts that will get me on the plane. Last night a dear friend of mine called me up and gave me a check. I just started crying. God is so good and so faithful.

My prayer is that I am faithful to His calling. My body is weak (very) but my heart and eyes are fixed on my One Thing. May He receive all the glory!

Here are a pictures I will post. Yes, I let someone else hold Omar for awhile, so I could enjoy some square dancing.

I'm still alive!

2009-02-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile since I have blogged, I just really haven't had any time for it. Working 2 jobs is very draining. BUT I am VERY grateful that I do have a job. Life at Starbucks is stressful. No one really knows who is safe anymore in the company. It is not a healthy environment to be in. I try not to live in fear and take each day one at a time.

My work at Haven is challenging, rewarding and makes my heart happy. It is challenging, because I am juggling a lot between both high school and middle school groups. Honestly I love that it is challenging. I am learning new things and learning what it means to be a servant leader. Haven is a great place to be, but also a hard place to be. As a staff we are trying to discover all God wants from us. This involves pruning, but even though it is painful, it brings growth. The job is rewarding. I heard a great quote from a friend the other day. She said, "stop looking for the dream and start living the adventure." I LOVE that! I have dreamt so much in my life from being married, being a mom, having my own programs. BUT God has blessed me and continues to bless me each day with an amazing adventure that is straight from His hand. I pray each day I can see more and more of His adventure from me at Haven.

I am posting some pictures from youth group tonight. It was a fun night of dodge ball. Amy and I being so skilled in this game, decided not to only intimidate everyone with skills, but also our uniforms. You be the judge if it worked or not.

I daily have to pinch myself. I still can't believe I get a pay check for hanging out with great people and telling them about Jesus.

26 things about me...

2009-02-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

For those of you without Facebook, here is my list of 26 things about me. I couldn't stop at 25.

1. I love Jesus!
2. I get nervous when others watch me type and make many mistakes.
3. I love the color orange (I need help.)
4. I am a dog person.
5. I work side by side with the person I admire most in life and love every second of it.
6. I really want to do full time ministry someday.
7. I love to study God's word.
8. I only read non-fiction books. Fiction books put me to sleep. (except for The Shack.)
9. I never consider my sister in law as an "in law". She is my sister and one of my most treasured friends.
10. I love playing the guitar.
11. Chris Tomlin concerts are my favorite. I have been to 4 and would love to go to many more.
12. My goal in life is to make God smile.
13. I love the teens at Haven. The are one of a kind.
14. My heart breaks for the orphans around the world. I want to support all those who are adopting.
15. I am scared of the 18 hour flight to Africa in October. I don't mind flying, but 18 hours is a long time.
16. I don't know how to relax. (It is very sad.)
17. I have been blessed by an AMAZING neighbor, who is a great friend. She is funny! (just ask her.)
18. There is no one else I would love to have a jam session with other than my nephew Jake. (well maybe Chris Tomlin.)
19. I love snuggle with my Brayden.
20. I love dancing with my Izabela.
21. I like photography.
22. I don't know how to say no.
23. I don't like coffee.
24. I always wanted to be the director of something, but I am learning that I am a natural assist and enjoy it so much more.
25. I LOVE details. Excel spreadsheets make me happy.
26. The youth leaders at Haven are the best! It is a joy to serve side by side with them.

That's me!

worship

2009-01-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

So tonight I worshiped. I sang at the top of my lungs, I cried tears of praise to my God. I was led into His presence. It was beautiful.

Tonight I went to the Chris Tomlin concert in GR. You would think that since this was my 4th Tomlin show, I would know what to expect, but once again I was taken back by the presence of God. It was beautiful. Not only was Chris there, but he brought along his friend Christy Nockels. HELLO!!! When I saw her on stage I almost peed my pants! I love her voice. I usually am not a fan of female singers, but she gives me goose bumps. To watch her sing in person made it even sweeter. She sang her new song, Life Light Up, with tears in her eyes. Oh my word, it was so good. I wish her CD came out before June.

Anyway, I pray you all have the opportunity to worship like I did tonight. One thing I love about Chris' shows is they are not concerts, they are worship. He loves to take the body and make it one singing praises to our King.

I love Tuesdays!!!

2009-01-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

I have decided I LOVE Tuesdays. I had such a great day today. I got a lot of stuff done for both MOSAIC and LIME student groups, laughed A LOT with Amy and prayed over every high school student and youth leader by name. It is so refreshing to do what fills your heart.

It's funny how God does things. I always envisioned myself being a leader of a great program with a lot of kids. I tried that and I can honestly say I love assisting. Amy and I talked today about how weird it would be if God would call me away from Haven. I don't even want to think about that. We work together so well, to the point we both need hot chocolate at the VERY same moment. ;)

Tuesdays are also the only night I am home during the week. I ventured over to see my friend Becky and was reminded again how blessed I am to live next to such a great person. I can't wait until this summer when she is out of school and we will sit in our front yards for hours. She will make fun of me for washing my car every week and I will be completely entertained by the interaction between her daughter Abby and Jake. I can't wait to have Izzy and Brayden in the mix too(as well as her new little one from Ethiopia. It will happen Becky!!!)

All I can say is my day was blessed by 2 great ladies and one great God!!!

prayer

2009-01-26T08:16:00.000-08:00

Sovereign God,
Your cause, not my own, engages my heart, and I appeal to you with greatest freedom
to set up your kingdom in every place where Satan reigns;
Glorify yourself and I shall rejoice,
for to bring honor to your name is my sole desire.
I adore you that you are God,
and long that others would know it, feel it, and rejoice in it.
O that all might love and praise you,
that you might have all glory from the world!
Lord, use me as you will,
do with me what you will; but, O, promote your cause,
let your kingdom come,
let your blessed interest be advanced in this world!
It is your cause and kingdom I long for,
not my own.
O, answer my request!

gifts...

2009-01-24T20:00:00.000-08:00

There are so many different kinds of gifts that people can give you. Tonight I received so many gifts. I am not going to go into great detail about what I got who gave them to me, but I will say that I am blessed.

I am blessed to have such great friends in my life. Friends that stick by you through the years and support you no matter what. Friends that stand behind you 100% against the flaming arrows of Satan.

I am blessed by great conversation. Conversations that make you laugh until you cry. Conversations that cause you to break out into song, for no reason at all.

I am blessed by those who love to style my hair. I can only pray that I can actually do, what they did. ;)

There are gifts that make you smile, cry and take your breath away. Tonight, I received all three in one gift. I am still in awe. I don't even know how to properly give thanks for all I have.

I am blessed...

yeah

2009-01-19T05:33:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have noticed I am looking at life in a very different way. I feel like there are changes happening all around me. I am not moving, getting married, or having a child, but there are changes happening in my heart that I can't ignore.

~I am daily letting go of my wants and wishes and holding tightly onto Christ's.
~I am letting go my agenda or plans for certain situations and allowing God to blow me away with His presence.
~I am truly giving up the stresses of the big cost to Africa and allowing God to bless me and provide.

My heart is changing and people are noticing, which is weird. Last night in church a few people talked to me about how they have seen beauty in me. Not an outward, vain type of beauty, but a beauty that only comes from falling in love with the Father. A good friend of mine said, "you are exploding". I asked her to elaborate, since I really wasn't sure what she meant. She said, that for so long I closed off what God wanted to do and did my own version of it and now I turned on the "faucet" and let God over flow.

I thought that was a great picture. She was right for so long, I did what I thought God wanted me to do and filled my agenda with stuff. I guess what it comes down to is I am done trying to impress people. I am done trying to prove to people I am not the "immature" one that they once saw.

My heart is breaking for the things of Christ and I can't hold back anymore. I grieve with those who grieve. I rejoice with those who rejoice. I want to see the hurting children of this world find safe homes to live in, where they are loved and cared for. I want to enjoy every breath God blesses me with and not leave a conversation, even if it is a disagreement, in anger or malice.

I guess it all comes do to 2 things...
~I feel safe when I worship and crave it everyday.
~I am done with the desires of this world and focusing on Heaven. I want to bring more people with me when I go.

Happy Birthday Grace!

2009-01-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

As you read this, please say a prayer for Brian, Kathy, Jackson and their families. Today would have been Grace's 2nd birthday. I can't even imagine the many emotions that are racing through their minds and hearts today. As I said to them at visitation and tonight, we will never stop praying through.

Grace,
Have a great birthday in heaven. Your daddy, mommy and Jackson miss you very much and wish they were with you on your special day. Give Jesus a hug for us.

adoption

2009-01-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

This coming Sunday night, Haven's service will be dedicated to those who have been adopted, have adopted or are adopting. I have been asked to create a powerpoint to show at the end of the service. I love doing powerpoints, so I said yes right away. I have to say this one is by far the most touching presentation I have done, and it is no where near finished. I have only roughed in some verses and a song, but I can't help but watch it many times a day.

While doing this, my heart is floating back to Africa. I can't wait for the trip, but yet I know I will never be ready for what I am going to experience. I have been talking with others that have made the trip and their stories bring tears to my eyes. I want to help kids. When I get updates from the orphanage, I want to jump on a plane, fly over to Beautiful Gate and take all the kids home with me.

I don't know what God's plan is for my life, but through my friend's stories, the powerpoint and the upcoming trip, my heart is breaking for those who feel they have no home. I can only pray that whatever God's plan is, I can support and encourage those who are walking through the adoption process.

the new schedule

2009-01-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am reminded again of how busy life is when you work at a church. You think I would remember, since I already worked at Haven 8 years ago.

Here is my schedule for today...

10:30 - worship
4:00 - preapre for the meeting I lead at 5pm
4:30 - go to meeting #1, but leave early so I don't miss meeting #2
5:00 - lead meeting #2 for small group leaders
6:00 - worship
7:30 - small groups

Busy, but I love EVERY minute of it!!!!

wipe out

2009-01-09T17:37:00.000-08:00

Not only is learning to walk hard, but trying to walk on ice is impossible.

WIPE OUT!!!!!

5 reasons I like the snow.

2009-01-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

#5 No one looks down on you if you are still in your pajamas at 3pm on a very snowy day.

#4 Sledding

#3 The visual of how God has taken away our dirty sin and made us pure white.

#2 Hooded sweatshirts!!!!!!

#1 Building snow volcanoes with a four year old.

happy birthday Rylee!!

2009-01-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

Rylee,

Happy "real" 4th Birthday! I hope your day is full of smiles and fun. I love playing with you, you can always make me laugh. Do you know any new jokes?

Rylee, I have many stories about you that make me smile, but here are my 2 favorites. I loved the time we had together after Noah came home. It was just you and I reading books on the couch. It was very special for me to help you know that even though you have a little brother now, you are still important. I also love the times when you spot me out at church. Especially if I am in the back after playing guitar. Your big eyes and funny faces make my heart happy.

I love you Rylee. Have a great birthday.

love
auntie terp

happy Birthday Benji!

2009-01-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to my big brother Ben.

You will always be Benji to me. Thank you for everything you have showed me in life. Thank you for always being there and inviting me to hang out with your friends. Thank you for showing me how to dance. You are the king of the dance floor.

You have blessed me so much by being someone...

who showed me how to be an individual (with an 8 inch blond 'fro)

who gave me a great sister, who will never be an "in-law".

who gave me 2 amazing nephews and an amazing niece.

And allowed me to have a special part in their lives.

Love you Benji.

life...

2009-01-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about life. I believe this is a result from attending 3 funeral/visitations in 10 days. It is hard not to think about life, when you are reminded how precious it is.

I love the line from Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, "You life is an occasion, rise to it." It makes me think, what legacy am I leaving behind? What mark on this world am I making? Am I fully rising to the life God intended me to have?

I have been asked the same question by 5 people in the past month. "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I laugh at this question. I think goals are good, but apart of me thinks they are of the flesh. When I was in college I had a "five year plan." I was going to be married, be a mom, have my own youth group, live in my house and travel out of the country. Well, I have been out of college for 5 years and none of those have happened. Do I see myself as a failure? No. When I look at the goals I had, I see that my priorities were out of line. I couldn't achieve any of those goals in the way God wanted me to unless I was FULLY in love with Him first. I can't love a husband or a child, if I can't love God. I can't lead a youth group until I am in awe of who is leading me. Honestly, for me I have not been fully in love with God until this year.

2008 brought many joys and trials, but through all of them, I learned to say, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. Here am I send me. (Isaiah 6)

So what is my response to that famous question? I can only hope, that in five years I am making a difference for Christ. I don't know exactly what that looks like, but God does and I trust Him, because I love Him and am loved by Him.

guitar for sale

2009-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

If anyone knows of someone who wants a guitar, I am selling mine. It is a Yamaha FGX-412 Accoustic/Electric. The pickup needs some repair, but other than that it is a great guitar.

$75.00

To-do List

2009-01-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

I have found myself with a huge to-do list. Why do I let things pile up and then get totally overwhelmed with everything that has to be done.

Anyway, I did get one thing done this morning. I had to call my insurance company and see if my shots for Africa are covered. Guess what...they are covered 100%. Praise God, now I don't have to think about saving up money for the many shots I have to have. I don't think I have ever been this excited before to get shots.

Africa count down...10 months :)

Oh what a night...

2008-12-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

Oh what night.
Late December back in '08.
What memory what night!!!

I had such an amazing night tonight. In fact, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Tonight I went out with my friends Becky and Misha. We had dinner at Village Inn and then headed to the Hope College basketball game. Becky's aunt is the Women's Atheltic Director for Hope and had some great seats for us. To say the seats were good, would be an understatement, THEY WERE VIP. We sat right in front of President Bultman and his wife. Right behind them was Pete Hoekstra and his wife. We didn't let them intimedate us though. We had people laughing at our dancing and play by play commitaries. It was so much fun. We also got a tour of coaches offices. I felt like royality.

Here are the top three qutoes from the night:

#3
Becky: Misha you need a blog.
Misha: You can't write stuff on blogs.

#2
Becky: I was focusing so hard I wasn't looking

#1
Becky: Where else would you see this much orange?
Me: HEAVEN (sigh)

To see the night in pictures and video check out Becky's blog.

Thank you so much Becky and Misha for a fun night.

conversations with a 4 year old

2008-12-28T18:26:00.000-08:00

Jake is spending the night tonight, because Izzy has croupe and Brayden has a bad cold. Here are some things we talked about...

"Why do Mommys and Daddys and aunties get big?"

"Why are my boogers ginormous?" (only boys)

"Next time you have to come to Wolf Wolf Lodge with me and I will show you all the slides."

"If it's Lacee's birthday, why didn't we make a cake?"

"Why can't I have the guitar louder?"

After looking at some blogs he picked out a familiar face and said, "Hey that's my girlfriend Abby's mom."

The best was when we went for a drive and he was singing a the top of his lungs. "He makes all things new. All things New. My soul longs for you."

We curled up in bed to watch the SOund of Music. He fell asleep about 30 minutes into it. I love sleep overs!!!!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

Over 2000 years ago, Christ came in a manger to save us all. Today was filledwith differnet emotions. I woke up excited and ready to celebrate Jesus' birthday. There was joy wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, even if it was over Facebook, Text messaging or a wave through a window. The family came, and we had a great morning together, simply being together. I missed my brother Ben, he had to work. Ben and I are close, so celebrated without him was hard. After everyone left I had a great time of simply worshipping my Lord. I played my guitar, read the Christmas story and prayed. I spent a lot of time praying for those who are spending Christmas without their loved one. The Busschers, Timmer/VanKampens, Baumanns, and Buursemas. It was a great afternoon. I celebrated later in laughter with a great phone call from a treasured friend.

Tonight my emotion turned from joy to sorrow. 2 of my former students at Zeeland were is a serious car accident. Jordan Dreyer and Brandon Doud both 17. Jordan was killed in the accident. I don't understand God's timing and I know that any day you loose a loved one is tough, but Christmas.

I am not doubting. I am not going to get angry. I am going to continue to praise God. I am going to praise Him in the good times and bad.

Over 2000 years ago, Christ came and tonight I just want Him to come back!

shoveling

2008-12-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

I have to say that this year, I actually do not hate the snow. I think it's great. It all depends on what you are wearing. I still don't really enjoy driving in it. The Focus is a wimpy car when it comes to snow.

Today I got all bundle up and headed outside to shovel. I shoveled off my deck, front walk way and a little spot for Lacee to go potty. I then headed over to Becky's to shovel her front walk and a spot for her dog Maggie to go as well. I was feeling really productive and proud of my accomplishments. I went inside and 15 minutes later the front walk and deck were covered in snow again. GRRRR.

I like snow, I HATE WIND!!!!

On another not. I LOVE my new job at Haven. I sounds weird, but I feel like I have purpose again. Today, Amy and I acted like Santa today and delivered toys to His Harvest Stand, Holland Rescue Mission and Holland Community Action House. We learned something really important. We asked the lady at the Community Action House if they wanted more toys, because we had more in the van. She said, "have you checked with The Salvation Army. They are in charge of Christmas." I didn't know that! I thought Jesus was in charge. So we dropped more off at the Salvation Army too. Needless to say, Amy and I laughed A LOT about that.

Here is a picture of Amy and I from a youth retreat a year ago. Amy is probably going to kill me for this picture, but it's better than the other one I was going to use from Rudolf's Razzle Dazzle Christmas show last year. ;)

blessings

2008-12-20T19:43:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it's been four years. Four years ago, my brother Ben handed me my nephew Jake and said, "here is your new boyfriend" and he was right. Jake has been my buddy, my comic relief, my date and my "little man" from the day he was born. I started calling him "little man" before he was even born, and it has stuck.

Jake was born in Zeeland, but rushed to DeVos Children's hospital about 20 hours after. He started having seizures, one of which while I was holding him. It was so scary to see my little man full of tubes and wires. It torn me apart that for the first two days he was there only Ben, Melissa and the grandparents could see him. I had to look through a window to a room that had many tiny babies. Jake wasn't tiny, in fact his 7 pound body looked like a sumo wrestler compared to a lot of babies there. When Jake was one, they determined it was a stroke that caused the seizures.

Today he is a happy, HEALTHY little man. Here are some pictures of his party.

He LOVES dinosaurs, in fact he knows all of them by name.

The Cupcake cake my sister in law made. She is amazing.

My Little Man! (This is his cake, that he decorated all by himself.)

stirring...update

2008-12-16T18:11:00.000-08:00

A few posts ago, I blogged about all the stirring going on in my heart. God is good. He is faithful.

My dad is doing better after his first surgery and we are praying the second one goes as well as the first.

I have decided to go to Africa. I turned in my deposit and am working on my passport this week.

The interview went well. In fact today was my first day of work. I am working at my church, Haven CRC. My official position is Youth Ministry Intern. I am very excited about this. I will be working with both senior high and junior high students. It is going to be great getting paid doing something I love.

Speaking of doing something I love, this weekend I had a great photo shoot. I was able to capture some great engagement shots for my friend's Dave and Cara. They enjoyed it so much, I am also going to be doing their wedding. This is getting fun. Here is one of my favorites from the day...

I learned something important through all this stirring. Don't try and ignore the questions of your heart. Sometimes by writing them out or talking about them you discover great things.

hospital update

2008-12-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

My dad ended up having 3 stints put in and might be back in a month for 1 or 2 more. He just got to his room and relaxing. He is can't move around, because his blood is so thin they haven't removed the tubes from his legs yet.

I'll post more later.
thanks for your prayers.

results

2008-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

First, thank you all for your prayers for my dad and family as we waited to find out what is going on with his heart. The past few weeks have been rough on us. I personally never want to think that my dad could get sick, or have something wrong. He's my dad, he's unstoppable.

Second, Wednesday, Dec 10, he is going to have a bypass done at Spectrum Heart Clinic in GR. He seems to have a pretty positive attitude about the whole thing. We are not really sure how long he is going to have to stay in GR and won't know that until the surgery is done.

Please pray...
1) That God our great healer will be present in during surgery.
2) For my dad as he never likes to just sit and heal.
3) For my mom as she spends her 1st day of retirement in the waiting room.
4) For my brothers and sister in laws and their kids as we all sit and wait. (Ben and Melissa are suppose to leave on the 12th to see Melissa's brother in law before he leaves for Iraq. Pray they still go on the trip, that is what my dad wants.)
5) For me. During times like these I usually pick up the role of keeping everything together and making the many phone calls. Pray that Starbucks will let me take a few days off from work to sit with my mom at the hospital.

Thanks again guys. You all mean so much to me. Thank you for supporting my family through this time.

In Christ,
terp

stirring...

2008-12-01T06:19:00.000-08:00

My heart has been stirring all week. I am not really sure how to process everything, so here it goes.

Africa - should I go? What can I do a 2 weeks that can change the situation there? The cost of the trip is very high, and most of that is the plane ticket, pass port and shots. What if I raised the money and then sent it over with those who are going? Wouldn't it make more of am impact that way?

Song33 - I am doing the "teaching" for Song33 this week. I am struggling with what I am talking about. Everything hits to close to home. My friend and I are doing a skit that we saw for youth group. We changed things up in the script to make it more relevant to us and Haven. I think we changed it too much. In college, I did a lot dramas and readings, but this is more than that. I am pretty much standing in front of Haven and sharing the things that are in my closet. I am broken.

My Dad - he meets with a heart specialist tomorrow to go over the 10 tests he has had in the past 2 weeks. I am nervous.

Changes - are hard. It seems that changes although in the end can make a great impact for good, pull people apart. There are changes going on at Haven and I have a HUGE pit in my stomach when I think about them. I don't know the answers. I don't even know the questions sometimes. I just want to worship. I want to be real. Last night I watched a DVD of a pastor in California, Francis Chan. He messed me up. I was up all night reading Acts, in fact I read it twice. My heart longs to worship truth, not tradition.

Interview - tomorrow I have a job interview. It will not replace Starbucks, but it will help my heart cry of impacting people for Jesus. Am I the right one? Who am I to be a leader? Who am I to organize events? Who am I to assist those in shaking up this world for Christ? 7 years ago I had the same interview, at the same place but 7 years ago I was a completely different person. My heart has changed. My passions have changed. Am I the right one?

The place of brokenness - I was there again this week. Friday I was leaving work and I ran into an old friend. Sarah lives in Cleveland now, but we went to high school together. When she was 17, I was 16 she was in a car accident, in which she was critically injured and our other friend Cheri died. When I saw Sarah Friday, I was brought back to that place. The same feelings I had when I received the call about the accident rushed over my body. I remember thinking, "no, they are suppose to pick me up in 2 hours to go camping." Sarah and I caught up on each other's lives and then I left. I didn't even make it out to my car, before the tears poured out of my eyes. 12 years later, I was brought back to the place in which I questioned everything I ever knew about God and all I could do was weep. Seeing Sarah brought me back to that place. It wasn't just Sarah, it was who she was with at Starbucks...Cheri's mom.

This past week, I have been brought to my knees in tears. I have celebrated God's promises in 2 young men from Haven publicly professing their faith. I can't explain the stirring that is happening in my heart. I just cling to the Father, knowing He has the right answers, even though I don't even know the questions right now.

craving

2008-11-25T21:09:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been craving something. Something that really makes me happy and relaxed. I have been craving...

a lawn chair in the middle of my driveway on a warm summer's day.

If you couldn't tell, I am not a snow person. I try to be, I have even gone away on weekend snowmobile trips that are really fun. But I love the sun too much to be a winter person. I did start wearing slippers this year. It took me a few days, but I really like them. That is one thing I do like about winter, curling up in a chair in comfy clothes, doing nothing.

I guess I just love to sit in chairs, either outside or in.

waiting...still...

2008-11-19T18:10:00.000-08:00

I think I already posted on waiting, but I still hate it. My dad was suppose to find out his test results on Tuesday, but we still don't know. He talked with his doctor today, and was told that tomorrow (Thursday) we should have them. I am not holding my breath.

This has been a hard week for me. I can't stand seeing my dad weak. Tonight I came home from youth group and he was sitting in the living room alone, crying. I have only seen my dad cry a few times in my life. At my grandma's and aunt's funerals and when Jake was in the NICU after he was born. I love my dad so much, my heart breaks to see him this way.

I just pray that whatever the results are, good or bad, we find out soon!

ahhh...

2008-11-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like the feeling of a shower, clean pajamas and clean sheets. Even though I do this once a week, I love it every time. It doesn't matter what your day was like, after this trio, you know your will night be great!! I find that when I have had "one of those days" putting clean sheets on my bed, just to feel special.

FYI. My dad should hear the tests results on Tuesday. One of the doctors that needs to read them, has been on vacation. Since we have waited a week now, I am not feeling like this will be a huge deal, but maybe I am just trying to convince myself of that it won't. Thanks for your prayers.

still waiting

2008-11-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

I am sick of waiting.

Every time the phone rings we all stop and look at my dad.

waiting...

2008-11-11T17:53:00.000-08:00

Just an FYI,

We have heard any test results yet.

I really hate waiting.

thoughts

2008-11-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

It is hard for me to think that there will be a day my parents will not be around any longer. I love them so much. They are supportive of my heart cries and know that I will never be content in this world. My parent's have been the ones who have guided me everyday, even when I didn't nesscary wanted it but knew I needed it. I am so grateful for them.

Today I got the news that makes you stop in your tracks and rethink things. My dad had some tests done, because he has been having some breathing issues. He hasn't gotten the results back yet, but the doctor who did the test, told him he did find some things that were serious concerns. My dad never being a person that could wait, (I get it from him) asked some questions and found out there are issues with his heart, not his lungs. We are currnetly waiting for his doctor to call and give him the actual results and then figure out what to do. My dad has lost both of his parents, a brother and a sister to heart diseases.

Please pray for my dad and mom as we wait for the test result and the next step in this journey.

beautiful gate

2008-11-02T15:40:00.001-08:00

I am not sure why, but this week my mind has been at Beautiful Gate. I haven't even been there yet, but I have wept over the children there. I am not sure why, but I can't get my mind off of these kids.

It is adoption awareness month. I pray that these kids may find homes founded on God's love. Join me in prayer not only for the children of Beautiful Gate, but those all around the world waiting for a family. Also pray for those families that are waiting by the phone or in front of the computer for any news regarding their child. Pray they may get news this month that brings them peace and hope. Peace in knowing their child is taken care of and hope of a day when they will be able to take their baby home. Also praise God for those who have been adopted and are now doing great!!! I praise God for Noah and Abby!!!

one of those days...

2008-10-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

It's just been one of those days, you know, when you want to start over about an hour into it. Since I can't I have decided just to hibernate tonight.

At 6pm, I was already showered, in pjs and watching a movie (Indian Jones and the Last Crusade). Bed time night be around 8 or 9 tonight. (after my wine cooler of course)

Tomorrow should be better. I work 5am to 12:30 and then get my three munchkins for the rest of the day!!!

overwhelmed

2008-10-26T18:48:00.001-07:00

My heart is so overwhelmed right now. I reached that place tonight in worship, where it felt like I was at the throne of God and I didn't want to leave. I closed my eyes and just simply delighted in my Lord.

There was a point in David's life, where he to just worshiped. 2 Samuel 22: 3-7 says...

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
3 my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation.
He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior—
from violent men you save me.

4 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.

5 "The waves of death swirled about me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

6 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

7 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I called out to my God.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came to his ears.

Lately I have felt like I have been entangled by the cords of destruction. There is so much going on that I can't fix, or don't have answers for. There is so much hurt, so much pain, so much loss. I have felt as though I was worshiping, but there was a handcuff on my heart. Tonight, the chain was broken and I became overwhelmed, overwhelmed by my God. Yes, there is hurt, but there is joy and love and peace.

"Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come. With all Creation I sing 'Praise to the King of King you are my everything and I will adore you.'"

I want for God to be my EVERYTHING. I just want to sit in His presence and not leave. I have come to terms with the fact this week, that I can not be any body's everything. I can not save anybody. I can not change anybody. Only God can. I just hope someday He will use me to bring about His glory. I pray that the Lord of all lords, the Name above every name, takes delight in my offering of worship.

2 Samuel 22:20

He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

"My soul longs for you. My soul longs for you. Nothing else will do. Nothing else will do. I believe you will come, like the rain."

I am overwhelmed...

thoughts

2008-10-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to blog for about an hour now. Staring at the blank screen, wondering how do I express the feelings of my heart, or the thoughts in my head. These past few months, especially the past 2 weeks, my heart has been over filled with emotions. Grief, of those who left us too soon. Joy of the healing that only God could do. Praise of His great power and might. And questions about His will and plan.

It seems lately I can't relax. I cry out to God and ask why. Why do so many young people die? Why do parents who promise to raise their children by the ways of God, have to surrender them to Him so early? Don't get me wrong, I don't blame God for death, because I believe with all my heart God hates death, that is why Jesus is coming again to destroy death and bring life. I praise God for healing. I praise God for His marvelous power, His great mercy and His never ending love. There are just times when I question, why.

This week I celebrated the life of Sydney Timmer. I wept with her family as they had to say goodbye to their angel. I laughed with her family as they remembered the blessings she brought them. Syd wrote a paper in her English class a few weeks ago. This paper serves as Syd's voice, her heart cry and what a gift it is to her family to have it. I can't think of anything else to write other than Syd's words, so here are some parts of her paper.

"I am a caring and giving person. I have my moments of selfishness, but if there’s something you need and I have, I would say it’s very rare that I would not give it to you."

"I hope I can use my life story to glorify God. John 9:1-3 says: “As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ .Jesus answered, ‘Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.’” I believe I am the way I am for a reason. I want to live my life for God, and show people what he is capable of!"

"I am tired of the current situation of my life. From May to June ‘07 I lost function of my right side. This meant I also lost my ability to walk. I chose to have surgery in July of ‘07 to unteather my spinal cord from scar tissue that had attached to it. I was expecting a much more positive outcome. I worked hard in physical and occupational therapy several times a week for almost a year. After a while I stopped making improvements, so I decided to have another surgery to try to unteather more of my spinal cord. That took place in June of ’08, and all it did was make me worse. At times I just want to give up, but I know if I do that I’ll never get any better. I have to remind myself that God has a reason for everything and a purpose for everyone."

My heart rejoices knowing that Syd's current situation is Heaven. She can now run, dance and worship our King.

Last night I was at practice for Sunday's Song33 service. I don't know about anyone else there, but I didn't want it to stop. My soul longs to worship the King. I think that is why my heart is so weary, and my head is so full. I want to take in my Abba Daddy. I want to be with Syd and Grace. I am jealous of them.

But since God hasn't called me home yet, I must take in the glimpses of Heaven here on Earth. Like the miracles that He alone performed in Samantha VerBeek's life, or the moments when I am playing my guitar and it is just God and me. It doesn't matter if I am at home, or at church, the moment I can let go of everything and sing is a feeling I can't describe to anyone.

I don't have answers to the why questions. I know I never will. I just pray that through every "why" I have, I can point other to Christ. That is what Syd did and continues to do through her story.

Miracle... I think so!!!

2008-10-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

God is SO good. I am in awe of His power. I really explain what I am talking about, so read this message from Dusty Ver Beek regarding his daughter Samantha, that we have been praying for.

The last few days have been very difficult on us as a family, but we feel God's arms wrapped around us tenderly. He has a calling on Sam's life and she is going to great things for His kingdom some day.
Samantha has made miraculous progress the last days and we are so very thankful and in awe of His power of healing. The team of doctors and nurses that care for our little baby are heroes.

One of her doctors called us yesterday afternoon with awesome news about her MRI brain scan. No signs of stroke or blood clots which is indicative of severely brain damaged patients. We cried tears of joy as a family.

He said they were "surprised" by these results, but we are not. Our God is mighty to save and can heal Sam completely. He can move mountains and His will be done. The road ahead is long. She is not out of the woods yet so we pray for continued prayers. We weep every time we get an e-mail, text message, phone call, card, or other act of kindness. This event has changed us to our core and despite the terrible situation, we feel blessed by all of you. Pray for strength and endurance as we run the long race with our precious little angel.

We love you all. Dusty, Lindy, Brooklyn, Maxwell and Samantha.

Expectency

2008-10-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Friends, I serve a God who is on His throne. I serve a God who reigns over all. And even though there are times it doesn't feel like He is present I WILL NOT stop serving.

I believe pray changes things. I believe pray not only is our communication to God, but it scares Satan. There is power in prayer. Lately I have asked you to lift up the Busscher family whose daughter Grace who is playing in Heaven's playground. I asked you to pray for Terri Stout who was hit by a car on Monday, (she remains in critical condition). I asked you to pray for Sydney Timmer who is now dancing with Jesus in heaven.

Today I ask you to pray for my friends Dusty and Lindy VerBeek. Here is their story...

Dear Partners in Prayer,
The twins (Maxwell and Samantha) of Dustin and Lindy VerBeek (members at Haven) were born today, but Samantha is in urgent need of our prayers. The doctors needed to do an emergency C-section for Samantha. Due to the emergency events surrounding her birth she was deprived of oxygen for a time and doctors are uncertain as to whether or not she will survive. Because we trust a God who is strong and mighty to save, because He IS our mighty God, our refuge and strength and our ever present help in time of need, trouble, storm, doubt and fear...we cry out to Him for His strong and mighty arm for Samantha. Praise Him for being all these things and for hearing and answering prayer. Pray that Samantha's life will be spared and that there will be no ill effects for her afterward. Pray that God will surround Dustin and Lindy and their families with complete peace and assurance as they wait on Him. And then trust Him to do all that you have asked for in accordance with His will.

The next 72 hours are very crucial. Maxwell is in Zeeland still, but Samantha has been taken to DeVos Children's Hospital in GR, where she is in an induced coma to allow her brain to rest and recover. Dustin and Lindy request that you do not visit at this time, but they are extremely grateful for your prayers.

Remember...God is good...all the time; He hears and answers prayer; and He is able, more than able, to do so much more than we could ever dream.

Friends, God is in control! I believe it and I know He can do miracle in Samantha's life. Haven we will remain a strong united body.

Urgent Prayers

2008-10-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

Now is the time to get on your knees for 2 Zeeland girls.

1) Terri Stout a sophomore at Zeeland West was hit by a car this morning on the way to school. She was air lifted to Spectrum in critical condition.

2) Sydney Timmer a freshmen at East. Sydney has had many health problems in her life, but right now she is fighting more than ever. I have had some great talks with Syd and my heart breaks for this family. I had the great privilege to mentor Sydney's older sister Taryn for 4 years. During that time I was able to hang out at their house and get to know the family. This is a family that knows what tragedy is, they have walked through death many, many times. Their faith in Christ is strong. Syd's care page is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sydneytimmer. By the way, Taryn's hands are the ones my blog title picture.

I'll keep you updated when I hear more.

thanks

harmony

2008-10-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I should join this group. Take a look and let me know if you think I would fit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q7djdOQ-WY&feature=related

do you remember...

2008-10-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight Haven CRC, First Reformed and Faith Reformed stood as one body at the Lord's table, worshipping our Abba Daddy. During the service there was a special scripture reading, or at least it was special to me.

I think every Christian has their favorite scripture, the one you always turn to when it feels like the world is closing in on you. For me it is Hebrews 10:19-25. This was the scripture that Paul Boersema prayed over me, as I sat on a bench at Camp Geneva and accepted Christ as my LORD and Savior on July 13, 1997.

Tonight MOSAIC (senior high at Haven) also met for small groups. I really love this time. It is great to sit and have the seniors lead the groups and hear their heart cries. Tonight we talked about God's Chisel. What parts of your life does God have to chisel to allow you to look more like Him, to be the person He created you to be?

If I want to live by Hebrews 10, if I want to "hold onto the hope we profess" then I have to let God come in and chisel away the hard, painful parts of my life. The parts of fear, loneliness and always comparing myself to others. I need to let God come in and chisel. It is incredible painful, but "He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:19-25

19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

What is your special scripture?

lessons

2008-10-11T13:47:00.001-07:00

In life there are many lessons to be learned. There are good lessons, like look before you cross the street. Bad lessons, like don't let a 1 year old boy crawl around without a diaper. And just lesson lessons, like how to turn a camera on or put your pants on.

A lesson I struggle with daily is the lesson of relationships. There are good relationships, bad relationships and "just" relationships. There are relationships that cause you to be a better person, relationships that cause you to be bad person and relationships that don't cause anything.

I have spent too much of my time trying to invest in relationships with people that I thought would make me a better person, but all it did was make me feel lonely and incomplete. I am so blessed right now with the great relationships I have. I am blessed to have friends that I can laugh with, cry with or just be with and not worry about how the other is judging you. I am blessed to have relationships with those that you can sit on a big, blue comfy couch with and share life. I am blessed to have relationships that you can lay on your front lawn with and just read. I am so blessed to have relationships that you can sit in the same room and do separate things, but just be together.

Life is a lesson, a lesson of relationships, and a lesson in love. Everyday we have a choice in to where to invest your time in relationships. The most important one, is with Christ. If you devote your life to a relationship with Him, all the other relationships will make sense.

I am blessed...

fun with Omar!!!

2008-10-06T09:07:00.001-07:00

my little secret...

2008-10-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, the secret is out, I, Christina Terpstra have a significant other. It was hard to keep quiet, but now we have been seen in public together, so I thought I would introduce you guys to him via my blog. His name is Omar and I can't imagine my life without him. He always encourages me to aim farther than I can see. He has taught me how to focus in on the tiny details that I seem to always over look, as well as widen my sight on the bigger picture in life.

I love just being with him no matter what we do. Last night it didn't matter that he was the only guy, when we hung out with my friends. I did have a little protective issue though, since they all thought they could put their hands on him, but at the end of the night he walked home with me, not them. Tonight he loved rolling on the floor with Jake, Izzy and Brayden. I adore how he helps me capture the precious moments I have with my kiddos.

I decided to make our relationship official, since we have made some major decisions together for our future. I signed up to take some classes in January and he decided to attend them as well. Also, we decided that both of us are going to Africa in October 2009. I am excited he is coming with. With him there, I hope he helps me remember the heart changing moments I feel God is going to reveal.

Omar met my parents this evening. I was a little nervous that their "dutch" mind set was going to be a hindrance, but it wasn't. They too are excited for the future we have together.

I know you all want to meet him, so here is a picture...

GOTCHA!!!!

This is Omar. Yes, I did name my new camera, since I hope to be spending a lot of time with him. Plus, since he has insurance, I thought he may need an identity. I will be taking photography classes in January and am very excited to about it. Maybe one day I can make money by doing something I love.

Africa!!!

2008-09-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

I really hate asking people for things, maybe it's my dutch, stubborn personality, but someone told me to do this, so here I go...

October 2009, a group of 16 people from Haven Church are heading to Lesotho to work at Beautiful Gate for 2 weeks. I really want to go, but the cost of the trip is overwhelming, (especially since I just signed up for some photography classes this winter.) The cost of the trip is $3000, but that could change due to the changing costs of plane tickets. There will be fund raising events in to help cover the cost. I also have the costs of my passport and shots. It is all overwhelming, but as Pastor Tim Spykstra says "Money is like peanuts to God. If it is in HIS plan that you go, the money will be there.”

So, I am going to trust that the money will come. I am up for babysitting, photo sessions, washing cars, dinner, pretty much anything for your donations.

I will be sure to keep you all posted as the details come together. I am looking forward to the trip a lot. I know God will stretch me with what we see and experience. I can't wait to just sit in the baby houses with the infants, running around the playgrounds with the older kids and simply taking in the Africa culture. It will also be exciting that I will be done with my photography classes when we leave and will hopefully be able to do some take some pictures that Beautiful Gate can use for their public relations. I am afraid though, that I will want to take all the kids home with me.

Prayer Requests...

1) Revelation of God's will for me to go or not go.
2) Financial support.
3) An open heart and mind for what I will see, if I go.
4) The details to fall into place.

the decision is in...

2008-09-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

After seeing these pictures I decided I am the aunt of the cutest 3 year old boy and 1 year old twins ever. What do you think?

Jake caught 2 caterpillars while they were camping, took them home and watched them grow into butterflies.

Izzy and Brayden in their swing. Yes Brayden will cuddle with whoever he is with, even if it is his older (by 3 minutes) sister.

powder puff pictures

2008-09-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

Here are the highly anticpated photos of the powder puff game. I now know why I lost my voice. I am yelling or coaching in every shot.

WE WON!!!!!

carpet cleaner suggestions

2008-09-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

Once again my lovely nephew Brayden tested my patience as the World's Best Auntie. Actually, he just caused MAJOR laughs this morning. Melissa and I were getting the 3 munchkins ready for a day at the zoo. Lately Brayden has decided that when you take his diaper off He tries to get away as fast as he can. Jake has even made up a "Nudey Brayden" song that he sings every time Brayden crawls away. Today Brayden crawled away and Melissa just gave up on getting him and turned her attention to getting Izzy ready. I was washing the breakfast dishes, so I wasn't there to catch him either. All of a sudden I heard Melissa scream. I turned around to see Brayden peeing all over the carpet!!! He just sat there and laughed, as to say, "if you don't chase me I will get you back."

The extremely funny thing is that at breakfast Jake was begging for a puppy (his latest need). Melissa said, "Jake we can't have a puppy, because Mommy doesn't want to clean up pee and poop from the carpet until the puppy is trained to go outside." Hopefully we don't have to send Brayden to the Humane Society now.

ONE body, fighting...

2008-09-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today we wrapped up a series on our Spiritual Armor from Eph 6. At the end of the sermon Pastor Tom had up circle around those who needed prayer. What a picture it was of one body fighting for each other. This is what it looked like...

Someone whose life has been shattered and not strong enough to pick up the armor themselves surround by a small circle of their close friends who are facing them. That inner circle are the people who are crying with them, supporting them, and walking through the "new, unlikeable normal" with them. Around that circle are MANY warriors facing out ready to fight off Satan's attacks. We are ONE BODY FIGHTING FOR HEAVEN!!

I Will Rise

2008-09-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

2 posts in 1 night!!!

Here is a new song from Chris Tomlin. When I hear it, I think of Brian and Kathy. I am finding more and more everyday that I just crave heaven. I want so much to just sit at my Father's feet and hear the angels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg

when plan a fails...

2008-09-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the Fall retreat for MOSAIC. We were suppose to go camping all weekend, but God decided we needed some rain and we ended up staying at Haven both nights. Honestly I loved it! There was a sense of comfort there and we were all able to just sit back and relax.

Amy picked a great quote to base the weekend off from, it said "Stop chasing happiness and let God find you." We talked about the beatitudes from the point of happiness is verses Blessed are. I am always totally blown away as to how God speaks through Amy. This retreat was just another example of that.

This weekend was a chance for all our students to see into each others lives. One particular student's life was falling apart and my heart continues to break for her. She lives with her Grandparents, her dad is in and out, but beat her up so badly this spring that he has a court order to stay away, and I don't know where her mom is. It was so beautiful to see our group pray over her, on her birthday and celebrate who she is.

So here are some photos from the weekend. I just think of the weekend this way, when plan A fails and plan B gets rained out, try for plan C mixed with some SPAM and peewee baseball.

Game Results

2008-09-10T18:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I lost...MY VOICE from yelling so much in the SENIOR'S VICTORY!!!! Yes, my first Powder Puff coaching experience was a BIG, fat "W". The final score was 12-2, with them scoring only by a safety (for you non football fans, a safety is when the offense fumbles the ball in the other teams endzone). I was so proud of the team and the coaching staff. Hopefully I will be able to post some photos at a later time.

To be honest tonight was WAY more, than a simple powder puff game, it was about purpose. It was great to be back with students again. It felt so amazing to complete a "job" with joy. My heart is so happy. A good friend of mine pulled me a side after the game and said, "you are smiling again." I was smiling, not because of the win, but because my life felt full again.

I am so excited now for the retreat this weekend. I am excited to be with high schoolers, worshipping our Abba Daddy. Amy told me a great quote this week and even though I don't remember it word for word, it hasn't left my mind. It said something like, "stop looking for happiness and let God show you." There are so many things in my life that I overlook, because I am looking for what I think is happiness. God's view of happiness is different than ours. I think this is because we can't even imagine what heaven will be like, so we try to find joy in earthly things, that will only be destroyed.

Thank you Jane. Thank you Nate. Thank you seniors. And thank you God, for giving me a great night of worship, on a football field.

1st birthday cake times 2!!!

2008-09-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of Izzy and Brayden's first birthday party. As you can see they really enjoyed the cakes that Melissa and I made them. Once again it was a way for us to see their 2 different personalities. Izzy went in, literally face first and Brayden just slowly enjoyed the frosting.

Here is a picture of big brother Jake (I can't leave him out) who pretty much unwrapped all the presents, since Izzy was only interested in the ribbon and Brayden was too busy with his new cell phone I got him. Just a note on Jake, he worked for these big muscles, no performance enhancing drugs for him.

getting ready

2008-09-06T05:07:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready for this week's big game. Last night I watched all the football reports on all the news channels. Tonight I plan to watch Remember the Titans and tomorrow, RUDY.

I even got into the news so much that when they announced the score of the East Sparta game I jumped up, run around the house and yelled. WAY TO GO CHIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2-0.

Great job boys. A shout out to my friend and quarterback, Jace Heneveld. Your patience is paying off. You knew when you started on Varsity as a freshmen it would be work and now as a senior you are 2-0. I am so proud of you and the team. Also a big congratulations to all the "Henny's" Dan, Lisa, Haleigh, Whit, and Hannah. Way to support the CHIX with your brown and gold clothing, posters and car decorations. Love you guys, miss you!

Well I am off to draw up some plays. Practice is Sunday.

are you ready for some football?

2008-09-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Wednesday September 10, 2008 will be the showdown between the senior and junior Lady Chix of Zeeland East High School. Powder puff action at it's finest. The seniors and coaching staff are ready and set to distroy the juniors and bring the trophy back to Senior pride.

Okay really, my friend jane and I are coaching the seniors and neither of us know a lot about football. So if you want to leave a comment about secret plays or anything please pass on your knowledge. So if you are in need of a good laugh head on over to the Zeeland Stadium and watch the action. I just pray we "get on the board" some how. ("get on the board" means to score, for those of you who know less than me.)

So I am off to read the latest copy of "Coaching Football for Dummies"

Have a great night folks.

the end of an era...

2008-09-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day since I entered Kindergarten that I did not go to school. It was weird waking up this morning, going to work and hearing the customers share stories about how they dropped their son/daughter off for the first day of kindergarten, 5th grade, high school. Honestly, my heart sank a little. I am not sure how to function without it.

I stopped by East this afternoon to see jane. My heart sank some more. I am not sure if I should have done that. I love jane. I loved seeing her face light up when she saw me. I loved seeing Anna and hearing her vent. (I think that was 80% of my job at East. Hearing others frustrations.) I think by stopping by my heart hurts more.

I want to be in the halls at East. I want to hear the "big guy" call me into his office to vent. I want to dial 5103 and hear a familiar voice. I want to be wanted. jane and Anna talked about how much they miss me already. It felt good to be missed, but I want to be needed...somewhere! Anna talked about one of her students with a visual impairment and how they are having a hard time finding help. I want to help! jane talked about the copier breaking. I know how to fix it.

Over the past week I have been really trying to find out who God made me to be. Where are my gifts? What do I like to do? What comes easy? I took a spiritual gift test this week and found out my top 3 gifts are...

1) Administration
2) Intercessory Prayer
3) a tie between Service/Gifts and Mercy

What do you think? Does this fit me? I think so. I have found so much fulfilment in organizing the prayer group for the Busschers. I find it fun, sitting down and figuring out how many tents and drivers we need for Mosaic's fall retreat. How do I take my 3 or 4 gifts and find a job that brings me a feeling of making a difference? How do I not just simply exist in this world?

Sorry about the long rambling posts. If you have any words of wisdom, please let me know.

PS. Even though I didn't go to school today, I still had dreams about the first day of school last night. And kept waking up thinking I was going to over sleep. I also got a new pair of shoes this week too. I am just a creature of habit.

math

2008-08-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

I have never been a math person, but last night I discovered the answer to a Saturday night equation.

good movie + good drinks + good conversation + a GREAT friend =

GOOD TIMES (AKA BIG, BLUE, COMFY COUCH TIME)!

perspective

2008-08-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was having one of those days. I was missing not going back to East. My heart was full of other self centeredness and then I got 2 lessons in perspective.

1) I went and saw Kathy.

2) Jake came over and on a walk he grabed my hand and said, "Auntie, you're my sweetheart."

At the end of the day there are only a few things that truly matter. And careers are not one of them.

life lessons

2008-08-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

My sister in law asked me a few weeks ago, if I could watch Jake, Izzy and Brayden tonight while they went out with some friends. I always jump at the opportunity to have all 3 to myself, so I said yes.

Here are a few lessons I learned this evening...

1. When committing to babysit weeks before the actual date, call a day before to see how everything is going, because two 11 month old babies with ear infections are not easy to handle alone.

2. When you bring a donut with chocolate frosting for a three year, know that the only thing that will be eaten will be the frosting.

3. When your brother tells you the babies haven't had a dirty diaper yet, watch out it will happen on your shift. And when a 3 year old says he can go to the bathroom all by himself, remember that when you go next, watch out because you may step in a puddle by the toilet.

4. When playing "rock band" know there will always be an argument over instruments. (It looks like Jake is the guitar player, Brayden does percussion with the Cheerios container and Izzy sings...LOUD, but this changes daily.)

5. When the monitor for the boys bedroom becomes quiet, it could mean that they are sleeping, but most likely it means a 3 year unplugged it. When you go ask how this happened, know there is no way an 11 month baby can get out of the crib, climb on a bed, unplug the monitor on the shelf and crawl back into his crib.

6. The sound of a 3 year old singing his brother to sleep is so beautiful, especially when he is singing David Crowder songs word for word.

7. The feeling of a half asleep 11 month girl in your arms is worth every chocolate frosting mess, unplugged baby monitor and ear infection cry, especially when she looks at you and smiles, proudly displaying her one and only tooth.

PS.
I made an investment this weekend. I purchased the first season of Doogie Howser MD on DVD. You all can laugh, but secretively I know you want to borrow it!!!

the lighter side of life

2008-08-21T19:43:00.001-07:00

I have been told that my posts have been too serious lately, so here is a lighter one.

Brotherly Love...

Izzabella thinks sand is a great snack...

Is that better?

give me jesus

2008-08-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When in Heaven we will sing
When in Heaven we will sing
When in Heaven we will sing
Blessed Jesus

Blessed Jesus
Blessed Jesus
By thy grace we are saved
By thy grace we are saved
By thy grace we are saved
Blessed Jesus

held

2008-08-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

The other night all I wanted was for someone to hold me. With everything going on, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Lately I have been feeling at peace about being single. I am claiming there is none but Jesus for me, but in times of hardship and grief, I just want to feel like a little child sitting on their father's lap. Now I know no husband can bring that same sense of love. Only THE Father can do that, but there are sometimes when sitting on the couch alone seems so hard. I found myself this week, filling my nights with things to keep me busy, dreading the quiet of the living room.

I love it when my nephews and nieces climb unto my lap and just cuddle. I feel so much love when they curl up to me. I imagine how great it will be when we can just sit in God's love when we get to heaven. How amazing is it going to be to no longer feel sorrow or grief, but only overflowing joy and adoration. I CAN'T WAIT for that day!

worship

2008-08-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

There are times during the week when my heart craves to just worship with the body, especially after a service like Sunday night at Haven. For those of you that feel the same, here is are some great songs that I love to turn the volume up on and worship to.

be blessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cke91QOpeTM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObjd5wrgZ8

(I am not sure how to directly link you to youtube, so you'll have to copy and paste.)

good or great?

2008-08-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

To say it has been a rough week would be an understatement. It seems not a minute goes by and I don't think of Brian, Kathy, Jackson and Grace. My heart continues to break for them.

Tonight at church we had a Spirit driven worship service. We watched the video I showed at SERVE, called "Cardboard Testimonies" and then as the music went on we were invited to write out our own cardboard testimonies. I wept over the brokenness in our body, but I rejoice in the healing God has given. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a moment where God came in and turned their life around. Are you willing to share your moment? I hope so, because someone needs to hear it.

I watched an interview of Misty May and Kerri Walsh last night (USA Beach Volleyball players). The interviewer asked which one of you is the better player? Misty said, "we are both good, but together we are great." This week I saw a lot of "great". People coming together to help each other. Praying around Brian and Kathy's house last week, was great. Seeing each other's brokenness tonight...great. Sitting on a couch sharing life with a friend...great. Sitting around a kitchen island with people who are walking the grief journey everyday...great.

We can not do this life alone. We are created to be great. We are created to need each other. Please continue to pray for Brian and Kathy and their families. If you are interested in being apart of a committed prayer group for them for the next year, let me know.

My cardboard testimony...

Years of living in FEAR of being alone.

None But Jesus!!!

Happy Birthday Anna!!!

2008-08-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Anna! I hope you had a great time at the cottage. I really missed hanging out with you this weekend. I wanted to play Hide n Go Seek really bad but thought if I hide no one would find me. Have a great birthday and keep practicing the rings. (maybe I'll see you in the Olympics some day.)

Grace Kennedy Busscher

2008-08-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

Today I watched as two parents laid their precious daugther to rest. I can't imagine the pain and void that is in their hearts.

I commit to not stop praying them through.

With Hope
Steven Curtis Chapman

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Pray HARD!!!!

2008-08-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

It's time church to pray.

Pray for peace, for strength and for love for Brian, Kathy and Jakson.

Pray for strength, compassion and Jesus' eyes for
Ryan and Kim,
Brent and Holly,
Nick and Sarah,
Brad and Lindsey,
Brad and Holly

"no guilt in life, no fear in death this is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cry to final breathe Jesus commands my destiny."

Happy Birthday Noah!!!

2008-07-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Buddy! I am so glad you are home now and we can have an actually party for you. I remember last year, when you were still in Guatemala. I couldn't believe how much I could love someone I hadn't met yet. Last year, your birthday was a hard day. I wanted so badly to know my "nephew" and see you blow out your candles. Your mom was on a youth group mission trip, so that was hard too because I couldn't be there with her either. I remember just praying all day for you, all the unknowns about you and your health, for your Mom, Dad, Anna and Rylee. It was one of the hardest days I have ever lived through.

BUT NOW PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! You are here with your Mom, Dad and your 2 crazy sisters. You are a miracle. I love hanging out with you Buddy. You have taught me so much about faith and hope. I pray you don't mind the crazy "auntie" terp time we have, but I really do love playing hide and go seek with you. (and I will always try to have a ball in my car just for you.)

Love you Noah!!!!

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

2008-07-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just got done watching, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I have to admit it was a good movie. At the beginning I wondered if I was a "chick flick" person, but at the end I was close to tears.

It amazes me how God puts people together to live in community. Everyone is different and has different gifts and when we join together we can accomplish much. For example let's look at my friend Amy and I (since we watched the movie together.)

First our differences, on a beautiful day when you have NOTHING planned, Amy would go for a run, I would take a nap. Amy tumble drys her Octopus on Low, I hang my out on the clothes line (you had to be there.) Amy is a listener, I am a talker. Amy thinks up "fun" ideas to do, I do them (for all the Haveners reading this, remember the Price is Right video.)

Now our similarities...we both love Jesus more than anything. To be honest on a beautiful day, we would probably find a way to worship. We both love Mint Chocolate Chipmunk Ice Cream (it was getting to sappy I needed to break it up.) We both love learning new things from the Word of God. Most importantly, we would do anything to bring more people to heaven with us.

Amy and I are different, there is no doubt about it, but I have never had anyone else touch my life the way she has. I have never met anyone who knows me better than I know myself. And I have never met anyone who encourages me to be who I am and use the gifts God has uniquely designed just for me. Amy and I might be different, but when we team together and I can say is watch out!

In the movie the 4 "sisters" came together to bring closure to situations in each others lives, that is community. That is simple living.

pictures

2008-07-25T09:27:00.001-07:00

I was looking at some pictures this morning. I find it so funny the many ways Jake continues to help with Izzy and Brayden.

breath of fresh air

2008-07-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

I got out of work at 11 am today and wanted to do something fun. I just needed a break from Zeeland. I had such a great afternoon. I went to Camp Rodger in Rockford to hang out with a friend I haven't see since January. I was so much fun catching up and having her 7 month old son, who fell in love with me. Seriously he never took his eyes off of me the whole time. We hiked around camp, talked... a lot, and just enjoyed the great weather.

I didn't realize how much I needed a little break, even if it was only 4 hours. My heart has been so full lately. I want to follow God and walk in step with Him. I crave His word more and more, but I am human and mess up. Sunday was a great day of worship at Haven. Don Cousins was our teacher in the morning and he said things that I have been wrestling with for a few weeks. Sin is present in everyone's life and sin is the same in God's eyes. Ignoring someone's need and committing murder are the same in God's eyes. I am no better than those who will spend their whole life in prison. The GOOD NEWS is, we don't stand before the judge alone. Jesus comes in not only as our defense, but as the one who is willing to pay the price for our wrongs. I have heard this many times in my life, but with the events of the past 6 months the reality of it is hitting home.

Last night in Bible Study, Beth Moore said something that I just can't get out of my head. She said, that there is only one on the throne and that one isn't us. The cool thing about the throne of God is he never leaves it. When He needs to move, His chariot moves to. He never gets off the throne. He never leaves us.

I loved my get away today. I love seeing God in the woods. I love hearing Him through the wrestling leaves. I praise Him for his grace and his faithfulness.