It seems lately I can't relax. I cry out to God and ask why. Why do so many young people die? Why do parents who promise to raise their children by the ways of God, have to surrender them to Him so early? Don't get me wrong, I don't blame God for death, because I believe with all my heart God hates death, that is why Jesus is coming again to destroy death and bring life. I praise God for healing. I praise God for His marvelous power, His great mercy and His never ending love. There are just times when I question, why.
This week I celebrated the life of Sydney Timmer. I wept with her family as they had to say goodbye to their angel. I laughed with her family as they remembered the blessings she brought them. Syd wrote a paper in her English class a few weeks ago. This paper serves as Syd's voice, her heart cry and what a gift it is to her family to have it. I can't think of anything else to write other than Syd's words, so here are some parts of her paper.
"I am a caring and giving person. I have my moments of selfishness, but if there’s something you need and I have, I would say it’s very rare that I would not give it to you."
"I hope I can use my life story to glorify God. John 9:1-3 says: “As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ .Jesus answered, ‘Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.’” I believe I am the way I am for a reason. I want to live my life for God, and show people what he is capable of!"
"I am tired of the current situation of my life. From May to June ‘07 I lost function of my right side. This meant I also lost my ability to walk. I chose to have surgery in July of ‘07 to unteather my spinal cord from scar tissue that had attached to it. I was expecting a much more positive outcome. I worked hard in physical and occupational therapy several times a week for almost a year. After a while I stopped making improvements, so I decided to have another surgery to try to unteather more of my spinal cord. That took place in June of ’08, and all it did was make me worse. At times I just want to give up, but I know if I do that I’ll never get any better. I have to remind myself that God has a reason for everything and a purpose for everyone."
My heart rejoices knowing that Syd's current situation is Heaven. She can now run, dance and worship our King.
Last night I was at practice for Sunday's Song33 service. I don't know about anyone else there, but I didn't want it to stop. My soul longs to worship the King. I think that is why my heart is so weary, and my head is so full. I want to take in my Abba Daddy. I want to be with Syd and Grace. I am jealous of them.
But since God hasn't called me home yet, I must take in the glimpses of Heaven here on Earth. Like the miracles that He alone performed in Samantha VerBeek's life, or the moments when I am playing my guitar and it is just God and me. It doesn't matter if I am at home, or at church, the moment I can let go of everything and sing is a feeling I can't describe to anyone.
I don't have answers to the why questions. I know I never will. I just pray that through every "why" I have, I can point other to Christ. That is what Syd did and continues to do through her story.
No comments:
Post a Comment